Feeling Out of Order? – Choose Intelligent Emotions

Out of Order

—by Janet Kellogg

Have you ever wondered why when you keep finding yourself in the same negative, going-nowhere-fast situations, even when the circumstances have changed.  Do you relate to this?  Do you feel “stuck.” Some  describe it as “one of “life’s lessons you haven’t learned yet.” I call it “feeling out of order.”  The solution requires us to make an important choice. We can either partner with positive emotions that propel us into reaching our full potential, or choose to focus on negative emotions that cause us to malfunction and feel “out of order.” Choose the positive ones. Choose intelligent emotions.

As described in Dr. Ray Lincoln’s  foundational book, Intelligently Emotional,  “Emotions devastate us when not controlled and drain our lives of meaning when not appreciated. Emotions provide a full range of feelings from pleasure to pain. They are involved in ecstasy and depression, dreams and defeat – dashing endlessly from one end of the spectrum of life to the other. They vary in nature and constantly change their intensity.  Our lives will always be molded by their surges and their temporary absences.”

We must understand.  Emotions are:

  • The “nitty gritty” of life

Perhaps, you are among those of us who wonder at the usefulness of emotions. But did you know that two-thirds of your brain is devoted to the processing of emotions? If that fact doesn’t sway you as to the importance of emotions, just consider what life would be like without them (as in “The Giver”). No thanks!

  • A mystery worth solving

Emotions operate mysteriously, without warning at times, and seem to have a will of their own. We live with them and wrestle with them every day but don’t really know them. It’s a healthy reminder that we must use them with care and wisely manage their contribution to our lives.

  • The most complex element of the human system

Beyond mysterious, emotions are the most potent expressions of our being. Countless and constantly changing, emotions merge with each other to create highly complex feelings. They can express a volatility that can scare us. Their constant ability to morph, blend and change is what earns them the title of the most complex operation the human system performs. Each emotional response is fashioned so individualistically, that no emotion is ever a clone of another.


Choose intelligent emotions and remove the invisible “out of order” sign across your life.

Circumstances influence your life, but you always have a choice to make in the face of those circumstances. Will they ultimately make a positive impact on your life, or a negative one? I often bring up our need to make choices, our responsibility to choose wisely and the effects of making the right or the wrong ones.  Positive, healthy emotions (the “intelligent” ones) are yet another choice for which we are responsible.

As we dig into the mystery and complexity of emotions, remember that they can give us the “good life” and the “bad life,” but not without the freedom to choose. So check yourself and make sure you are partnering with intelligent emotions.


Q: So, how can you choose which of these complex emotions to focus on and act on so that you can function properly and avoid the feeling of being out of sorts, malfunctioning, or “out of order”?

A: If you have followed us for long, the answer to my question will seem familiar. You must understand your own inner design and the customized way your design uses emotions. Each InnerKinetics profile has its own relationship to “healthy emotional fuel.” Know which fuel your design operates best with and jettison yourself toward healthy functioning and a sense of fulfillment in your life.  Start focusing on the positive strengths of your profile.  (Continued in our next post!)

Teach your kids how to choose intelligent emotions, too. It all starts with understanding.

Learn more about parenting according to your child’s design, with this new self-paced online learning.


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