Here’s a “Hard Thing Worth Doing” (#HTWD): Give the most difficult people you know the benefit of the doubt and assume they want to be great, just like you. Even people who seem to consistently be at odds with everyone in their entire world still want to reach their greatest potential. Have they lost themselves along the way? If it’s positive CHANGE you want from relationships that just don’t work, do this hard thing with difficult people.
A gift few people are willing to give
In previous posts, we’ve discussed flipping self-made weaknesses back to their original form of design-driven inner strengths. It was on a short list of some things I submit are very worth doing, but many find hard to do.
Also on the list: Giving difficult people (a.k.a. toxic people, hard-to-get-along-with people, prickly office porcupines) a gift few people are willing to give: the benefit of the doubt. Assuming that those hardest to get along with also want to reach their greatest potential can be hard to do. It doesn’t have to be. But understanding is required.
The longer you live with the discomfort of operating your strengths as weaknesses, the more “comfortable” it becomes — despite the damage it creates in your life. Perhaps that’s why so many people you’ve encountered earn their reputation for being “difficult.” It’s almost as if the Real You declares a reluctant and uneasy truce with Not the Real You. And the longer this truce remains in effect, the harder change becomes. But, as one of my close friends says, “. . . just because its amazingly comfortable doesn’t mean you should wear it! Go take that off!”
Do what you’ve always done and get what?
Getting what you’ve always gotten from a hard-to-get-along-with person is no reason to give up! It’s important to note, I am not talking about people who are physically dangerous to you. But,…
- What if the difficult person is a key influencer and is in the way of an important goal at work?
- What if the difficult person is your child or spouse and you are just not connecting with them at all?
- What if the difficult person is YOU?!
So why should you give someone who has given you nothing (but a hard time) a gift like “the benefit of the doubt”? Two reasons:
Reason 1: Assuming difficult people also want to reach their greatest potential brings out the best in you. You’ll need to pull from your own inner strengths to find a fresh perspective and a new strategy for success in the relationship or interactions you have.
Reason 2: Assuming they share this important goal with you creates some common ground and a stronger set of boundaries with which to engage in relating to difficult people.
Seems risky! Is it risky?
For those who prefer to take calculated risks, my answer is “YES!” Take the risk — even if this person has really disappointed you in the past. You were built to take on the challenge and success is completely possible if you’ve defined it properly. Success in relationships with difficult people doesn’t mean they are to become your best friend – or even your friend! Success means you’ve reached a better understanding with them. Therefore, seek to understand this difficult person better and see their potential. Call them into a higher level of thinking and interaction.
For those who DO NOT prefer risk in any form, my answer is, “It doesn’t have to be.” It depends on how you look at it. It’s no more risky than doing what you’ve always done and getting what you’ve always gotten.
Even if you doubt they really want to be their best . . .
There is no doubt, it is difficult to interact with people who are living in the unstable and stress-filled land of “Not the Real You” — those who are operating so contrary to their inner design that none of their behavior seems very productive. But you can dramatically reduce the difficulty level with the assumption that ALL people want to be great. And you can do this even in the face of your doubts. The behavior that falls so short of someone’s “best” is rarely an excuse to give up on them. Everyone needs help from others along the road to being their best and reaching their potential. Can you be the one to provide that help?
What do you have to lose?
Do this hard thing with those hardest to get along with. It requires you to use your own inner strengths to start again in the only place that’s worth starting: at the beginning … with a fresh perspective and a new way of seeing the person you’ve traditionally clashed with.
If this is all sounding too “foo foo” for you, there’s only one way to prove it works. Try it tomorrow. You’ve got nothing to lose…except perhaps an enemy.
Here’s a plan:
- Discover Your Inner Design
- Learn to recognize the inner design of difficult people by grabbing a copy of INNERKINETICS – Your Blueprint to Excellence and Happiness.
- In addition, identify one or two ways you can change the way you view one of the difficult people in your life. Do you understand them as well as you could? Ask questions. Find a way to relate. Do this hard thing and see the REAL YOU in action.