I have heard this so often: “Why don’t you write it down for me?” So I have. Struggling with our emotions is a challenge. So I have responded to all those in my seminars, workshops, and coaching/counseling sessions over the years who wanted a better understanding of their emotions and how to manage them and put them to good use. The lessons were, of course, learned by teacher and student alike. We have learned how emotions can help.
There is an urgency for answers
We are often seemingly at the mercy of feelings that plunge us quickly into negativity. How can we control these runaway, impulsive invaders of the mind? Can we be taught to use emotions positively? There is an urgency for answers to help us according to our own temperament (not someone else’s) to manage and develop our emotions.
The coaching or counseling room can be where people reveal their most perplexing problems. It is a place where angst, hurt, anger, and all the emotions can express themselves unhindered by conventionality, embarrassment, or judgment. “How do I control my emotions?” was for most an agonizing plea. These strange urges we call emotions sometimes turn on at will and are a challenge to almost everyone.
What if emotions can help rather than hinder?
Less common but also vented was the question “Can I learn to use my emotions for better things?” Emotions were tearing relationships apart. But emotions were also lifting people who were finding the secrets to managing them and who felt (some, for the first time) what it was like to be on a natural exhilarating high. It’s our emotions we must control.
With the right tools, emotions can help
The familiar instructions my clients expected to hear (and that had failed so often) were the ones that said, “stuff it,” “hold the feeling in,” “use your willpower,” “you’ll just have to try harder,” or “breathe.” They wanted more. “Tell me something that works” was their plea. “Give me understanding and tools to use beyond those familiar instructions that admittedly worked for some but failed for so many others.”
So, combining the knowledge of temperament with the findings of research into the field of emotional behavior, plus listening to the invaluable wisdom of the ages, offered knowledge and an answer that they found made sense. It was also successful. The real test is always: does it work?
The wisdom of the ages that I mentioned is preserved in philosophies, ethical systems and, not least, in religions. Some “wisdom” turns out to be less than wise and not to be loved as the Greek word sophia suggests it should be. You will have your beliefs. But an open-minded person will seek to find the best jewels of wisdom wherever they appear — even if they surface in what is to them an unpopular source.
Emotional development of children created special urgency
With children to raise and teach, parents and teachers also wanted some help to develop the strengths of children. They wanted to understand how to respond effectively to tantrums and moods, along with all the other problematic emotions. Children, because of their struggle to develop quickly and discover their world, pose a special urgency in understanding their emotions and finding successful ways to manage them.
There is a key that unlocks the world of intelligent emotional behavior
Because temperament brings an understanding of ourselves, it is a key to finding motivation and using emotions intelligently. So, by using InnerKinetics® (my term for the inner powers and drives that form our temperament), we can gain invaluable help to meet the needs of all who want to be intelligently emotional. There is no one way for every person to manage and develop emotions. People are best helped by applying methods that are consistent with the urges of their temperament.
This article begins a series adapted from my book Intelligently Emotional. I hope you will follow along and gain insight into how emotions can help you in so many ways to experience your best life.
My hope is that this book will lead you, as its content has led many others, to be intelligently emotional. If it helps you to develop the intelligent use of your emotions and a rewarding lifestyle, my labor will not have been in vain. You can access it HERE. If you are subscribed to our weekly updates, our next issue will provide a link to purchase it with a 15% discount and free shipping.
Lean into the whole truth. Discover the truth of who YOU are — the “Real You” — and who your children truly are. Discover how to best engage your children in finding the whole truth. INNERKINETICS, Your Blueprint to Excellence and Happiness, is a great resource.
Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide that help, too. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. An InnerKinetics consultant will call you to answer questions and schedule your meeting. Schedule an Initial Consultation. If you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back because you can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.