by Janet Kellogg
The second Genius Parenting Move requires you to make a major shift of focus away from your child’s behavior onto the beliefs driving their behavior. We never do anything unless we believe we should do it. And if you agree that this is a good move, we’ve created a free quick reference guide to help. Read on and get access to it below.
Facts about focus (share them with a friend):
- We magnify and go in the direction of our focus.
- We can only focus on one thing at a time.
- What we focus on is completely our choice.
Although multi-tasking is a great skill to imagine, neuroscience proves that we are capable of focusing on only one thing at a time. This means that you must make an important choice.
Genius Parenting Requires this Choice:
- Will you choose to focus on your child’s behavior?
- Or will you focus on a far more important factor that determines the success of your parenting?
Choose to focus on the fact that your child is not following every rule in your home and you’ll begin to correct every single mistake they make, reinforcing their belief that the only way to please their parents is to never make a mistake – an impossible, frustrating goal that will leave them also believing you are incapable of being pleased with then. But that’s not true, is it?
Choose to focus on fixing “that look” on your teen’s face – the one that can make your blood boil and represents a bad attitude – and you’ll enter the realm of even deeper disrespectful reactions to your mandate to “straighten up.” Your teen will hold fast to the belief that “you just don’t understand anything!” Oh, if only they knew how much you remember about the hard life of a teenager!
The Genius Parent Knows How to Do This Math
Most parents are familiar with the equation E=mc2. But only genius parents know this one:
ACTIONS ≠ THE PERSON
Your kiddo’s negative behavior DOES NOT accurately reflect their potential, their character, or their moral condition. Like all of us, your child’s actions reveal what they believe. Belief drives the human system and we never do anything unless we believe we should do it. So, both helpful behavior and unhelpful behavior stem from your child’s current beliefs.
If you want good behavior . . .
- Create in your child positive, helpful beliefs that will result in positive actions.
- Model positive beliefs for your child and eliminate any contradictions you may be teaching them that will lead to their confusion.
- When negative behavior is damaging to your child or others, help them change the negative beliefs driving that behavior.
Creating or changing beliefs can often take time to instill or replace. However, once new ones are created, they are a long-term fix to undesirable behavior when they are accepted and absorbed into your child’s life. We have created a resource for you, “A Parent’s Guide to Instilling Positive Beliefs,” that will help you navigate the steps to teaching your child a positive belief system, a gift that will serve them well throughout their lives. Click on that pretty yellow button to get it sent to you right away.
Genius Parents Magnify Inner Strengths!
As a kid, did you ever focus sunlight on a piece of tinder with a magnifying glass? Not only can intense focus burst a piece of wood into flame, but it can create that same effect in your relationship with your child – for good, or for bad. When you focus your mind on the development of your child’s inner strengths and instilling positive beliefs, it results in intense momentum. Unfortunately, weaknesses (aka negative behaviors) always seem to attract more attention. We can become obsessed with our weaknesses or that of our child — even deriving misguided value from the sympathy our weaknesses can attract. We must know how to shift focus with positive beliefs.
Make Genius Parenting Move #2. Focus on beliefs, rather than behavior. You’ll be so happy you did as you watch your child’s long-term happiness come into view.
Shift Your Focus Today
♦ Creates a stronger relationship with your children based on true appreciation for the differences between you
♦ Builds up a healthy, depression-resistant self-image in your child
♦ Models to your child the ability to make good choices and avoid the sometimes painful costs of making the absolute wrong ones.
If you want to learn more about parenting with under-standing and according to your child’s design, check out this new online learning.