All effective leaders do this. Loving parents find a way to do it even when kids are serving up their ugliest side. Even your spouse who wants to stay married to you finds a way to do this important thing for you in hard times. What about you? Do you know how to bring out the best in others?
What do you do when your employee or colleague cannot seem to perform at a standard of which you know they’re capable?
How can you help your child learn to make good choices that set them up for success, rather than failure and disappointment?
Where can you look to focus on your spouse’s strengths, rather than the myriad of weaknesses that damage your relationship?
Many posts from our InnerKinetics team have addressed how valuable understanding is. Last week’s article on Understanding Your X-Factor is one of many you can find. But that was about understanding what sets you apart from others. Your “X-Factor” is a unique expression and can’t be duplicated by anyone else. And it’s set so deeply within you that you cannot help but let it factor into all you do, think and feel. It’s pure gold! Knowing how to bring that to the world around you in a positive form is critical to your success and your happiness. And so is understanding how to bring this same gold out in others. You can do this if you’ll understand two things:
1) Know what you’re looking for.
2) And once you’ve found it, ask for it.
Know what you’re looking for.
Think about it this way. Gold miners and panners knew exactly what they were looking for. They weren’t looking for just any precious metal or random shiny object. They had an intense focus on what gold looked like. It could be a small vein running through a boulder or the tiniest grain in a river. But their focus was clear.
TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN OTHERS, SET YOUR FOCUS ON THEIR STRENGTHS.
It’s so easy to get side-tracked when someone is giving you their worst. The damage people do to themselves or others is the result of mis-using their inner strengths. But we’re designed to go where we’re focused and find what we’re looking for. If you are serious about finding the gold in someone, you simply cannot afford to be distracted by their weaknesses and negative behaviors. You can look past the negative attitude and cynical words while still holding them accountable for their choices. See a person who simply wants to be great and doesn’t know how to do that…yet.
“HOW CAN I POSSIBLY KNOW SOMEONE ELSE’S STRENGTHS? I’M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT MINE ARE.”
Set your sights on what is theirs by inner design. There’s much confusion out in the world over solving people problems. The lines seem to get blurred often between what’s a good habit or acquired skill versus an actual inner strength. If you want more on how to know the difference, check these out:
If you want to get on with identifying the strengths of yourself or someone you want to call to a higher use of theirs, use this free help:
Then, ask for it.
I was listening to very insightful teaching about helping your kids make smart choices around dating. And the data presented was stunning. It boiled down to this: If you want your kids to seriously consider abstinence before marriage, you have to ask them for that.
Ask for what you want. What a brilliant idea that often escapes us! Of course, it seems so obvious. But how often do we forget to ask others to be their best? Or do we even feel we have a right to ask?
If you want to call someone higher, you have to ask them to step up higher. If you want your child or your spouse or your co-worker to use their innate strengths, you must call on those strengths. Give them a real opportunity to put those strengths in action.
Isn’t that the way any good mentor operates?
YOU can bring out the best in others.
Here’s why bringing out the best in others is something you can totally do:
- You have help. You can understand the difference between inner strengths and self-made weaknesses with tools from the team at InnerKinetics. Start with the free assessment tool to determine inner design – yours or theirs.
Then use the blog, online resources and learning events to support your quick uptake of the education we offer.
- You’re giving them an opportunity to do something they are already designed to do. Eliminating life-damaging choices is a natural outcome when you focus someone on their strengths and give the chance to use them.
- It’s their choice whether they take the opportunity or not. Their success is not up to you. You can move forward with confidence knowing that in the end, it’s each person’s choice when they use their strengths or create weaknesses by mis-using them. You’re there to help. But they’re the ones who make the call.
To sum it all up, you can either mine for gold or mine for mud.
Bring out the best in others. It starts with your focus and the need to know what you’re looking for. And remember, once you’ve found it, ask for it often.
More next week on providing others the opportunities to be their best.