Emotions conflict often, and emotions cause and escalate a conflict. So where do we begin the process of sorting out this serious relationship factor? Let’s begin with how emotions play a part in decision making.
Emotions Conflict Between “Thinkers” and “Feelers”
We use the terms “thinkers” and “feelers” (T or F) as the way to differentiate between two ways of evaluating the information we gather from the world around us and within us. Thinkers favor the use of analysis, reason, and logic in their decisions. Feelers, while using logic, not only consult their feelings but they rely on their feelings heavily. What must be noted is that both think and both feel.
Example 1: When deciding where to go for dinner, the T may consider the menu, the price, the travel distance, etc. The F will additionally consider the ambiance — the way they feel when they enter the restaurant or the way pictures of the restaurant make them feel.
Example 2: When making business decisions, the T considers logistics, profitability factors, risks, etc. The F additionally considers how the decision will affect the staff and how they will feel about the changes.
Example 3: When a parent asks bot a T and an F child whether they want to go to the zoo, the T child will answer with a quick decision. The F child may take a while to consider how he feels about going to the zoo today or how his decision might affect someone else (someone in the family or a friend).
Even in Identifying “Thinkers” from “Feelers,” Emotions Conflict
The choice of the words “thinker” and “feeler” is unfortunate. They give the impression that thinkers don’t feel and feelers don’t think. Both can be logical and reasonable, but the feelers sense the need to consult their feelings before a final decision is reached. They also consider how others will be affected and feel in the process. The thinkers may or may not consider the feelings of others, preferring instead to base their decisions and actions on logic and discounting feelings. It is certain that the thinkers rely on emotions to a lesser degree than the feelers in practically all situations. And, unfortunately, the Ts often lack respect for the emotions of the Fs while the Fs often fail to respect the Ts for their lack of emotion. This should not be. The goal in relationships must always be to respect the strengths of each person.
Emotional ENERGY Is What Collides When Emotions Conflict
In considering the emotions of the “Ts” and “Fs”, we will be considering the emotional energy generated by decision making. And what strong energy it can be! Emotions obviously play a large role in the important energy center of our lives. When T and F emotions conflict, emotions often reach the overheated stage — and not just for the Fs. It is ironic that the temperament that prefers to consult emotion the least (NT, whose strongest emotions is calm) uses emotion in battling for the win in an argument. And the one that emphasizes emotional facts the most (NF, whose strongest emotion is passion) uses reason to defend their emotions.
Which are you: T or F? Really? Are you willing to commit to which you REALLY are? It can get uncomfortable at times, depending on your emotions at the time and the reason you must reveal your true bent! You probably have a good idea of which you are, but the other letters of your temperament often come into play when we consider how your T or F is expressed. If you haven’t already done so, complete the InnerKinetics Adult Temperament Key to learn your two-letter temperament and your 4-letter type.
Once you know your complete profile (both temperament and type), learn more from INNERKINETICS about who you are. Then, dive more deeply into learning how to have intelligent emotions from Intelligently Emotional.