Let’s take a look at “manipulating with emotion” and “manipulating emotion”.  The distinction is important, as is the purpose for each.  It seems to follow that if our thoughts alone can turn our emotions on, we should be able to do so whenever we want to. We can use this ability not only to bring a tear when acting in a play.  But we can also use the ability to manipulate others when we want something from them. We use this technique many times every day for good or, sometimes, perhaps dubious purposes.

Children Are Master Manipulators with Emotion

Children discover this ability early. First, they cry to get fed and it works repeatedly. It is simply a matter of learning that this display of emotion offers all kinds of possibilities so manipulation by the use of emotions becomes ingrained.  Children catch on to the fact that they can make tears or anger happen at will.  And they get attention or a cookie if they are good enough at the charade. What a discovery!

Manipulation with Emotion Has Both Pros and Cons

The potential for this discovery is almost endless and as each year goes by, they hone their skills.  Who wouldn’t, with such an impressive upside? A downside is also learned, which helps to halt the use. When their manipulation is uncovered they find that people hate having been manipulated. Harmony with others then vanishes. Consequences are unleashed.  And the practice becomes suspect at the very least.

They also find that others are manipulating them.  A simple discovery about their emotions and how to handle them becomes a complex problem that affects all their relationships. Intelligent use of emotions must come to the rescue or the result is an inability to socially engage without causing hurt. We all started this journey as children and some have carried their knowledge of the power of emotions into a more sophisticated, and perhaps more damaging, use in adulthood. It is not easy to drop our manipulating endeavors.  But intelligent behavior insists we must.

Manipulating and Control

How do we call up an emotion at will?  A tear perhaps. It’s a form of emotional control. First, we must start thinking about a condition or memory that produces tears: an emotional event, a sad happening perhaps. Remember, thoughts can produce emotions. Then we must concentrate on the memory or imagined scenario that we have chosen. The more we focus on the emotion of sadness or loss, the easier it is to produce the tear. Only when we actually produce the emotion of sadness is the tear activated. We exchange one feeling for another, a process we must learn to use to be able to change one emotion for another. There was the feeling of the moment, whatever that was, and with the aid of only our thoughts we switched to another feeling. What powerful information!

And what a powerful tool for intelligent emotional control!  There is no emotional intelligence without emotional control.  In this example of manipulating our emotions, we have found how we control our emotions by thoughts or feelings alone.  We have also discovered how to replace one feeling with another. More later on this little gem.

Manipulation and the Temperaments

Is manipulation found in one temperament more than others? Yes, simply because the more intense the feeling and the higher the sensitivity, the greater the temptation for using manipulation. The complex NF is the candidate again. They can be super-skilled at manipulating (but not always for selfish purposes).  And yet they still have a problem controlling their own powerful urges.

The NF will manipulate for love too. So strong is the need for harmony that when it seems to be fading, they will suggest their lover does not love them in the hope of eliciting a reminder that they are loved. Manipulation? You decide. Because this lust for emotional support is so enticing for the NF, it dies hard even in adulthood.

My hope is that this book will lead you, as its content has led many others, to be intelligently emotional. If it helps you to develop the intelligent use of your emotions and a rewarding lifestyle, my labor will not have been in vain.  You can access it HERE.  If you are subscribed to our weekly updates, our next issue will provide a link to purchase it with a 15% discount and free shipping.

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