Let’s face it. There’s no way to avoid making a mess out of your parenting some of the time. But what about most of the time? Do you have a daily strategy? Mistakes are expected, but the most damaging ones can be avoided if you have a goal in mind that leads to your success. What are your parenting goals? Here’s a must-have goal that fixes major parenting mistakes: Focus on relationship building, not behavior modification.
Want a big mess or a masterpiece from the relationship with your child?
When it comes to parenting, it’s easy to get caught up in the plethora of advice from others. Do you feel overwhelmed when sorting through it?
It’s hard to avoid comparing your child’s behavior to that of a friend’s sweet little cherub who never seems to cause trouble. Isn’t that true?
But a focus on behavior is not a reliable method for your best parenting. Are you focused on your child’s behavior and how well it’s conforming to your own expectations and that of others? If the answer to that question is “yes,” you may miss the opportunity to understand what’s really driving their behavior. And therein lies the source of most parenting mistakes.
It’s a FOCUS problem. And the FIX requires you to shift.
Fix your parenting mistakes with a focus on building a relationship.
We’ve talked about the valuable skill of “Seeking First to Understand.” Not only is it a success factor in the workplace, but it’s critical to building a relationship with your child that’s truly loving and reciprocated.
Is your child a significantly different person than you?
Have you noticed how their motivations and preferences routinely take them in a different direction?
Understand the reason your child thinks, feels, and acts the way they do. With this insight, you are creating the most powerful motivation in your child for sharing their inner life with you. It’s a part of their life you simply cannot know without their help and without some essential knowledge of their inner design.
Replace the goal of seeing their behavior “shape up” with a better goal of building a relationship. We don’t choose to bond with someone that we don’t believe truly accepts us for who we are. And one does not invest themselves in a relationship when the goal of the other person is to see us change in ways we don’t feel “fit” the Real us.
Life with the Real You and the Real Them.
With a shift in your parenting goal to that of understanding your child’s inner design, you can watch your parenting mistakes transform into a wonderful masterpiece. Consider this:
In Your Home
THE MISTAKE: Parenting your child with a focus on how their behavior appears on the surface can damage your relationship. A focus on building relationship and real understanding is the key.
A MESS? When you’re looking for glossy behavior and more concerned with your child conforming to your view, you miss opportunities to teach them how to correctly follow the unique drives and preferences they possess. When you force them to conform to your pattern, they are no longer functioning according to their own inner design. Instead, they’re trying to function according to yours — a recipe for malfunction and negative behavior that repeats itself in a doomed loop.
OR MASTERPIECE? A healthy relationship with your child, based on understanding, places the keys to your success within your reach. It creates a safe place for your child to make mistakes. It gives you the chance to teach your child about wise choices, intelligent emotions, and the disciplines of a fulfilling life.
Here’s the Fix
- Know which of these inner designs is at work in your life. Is the Real You an SP, SJ, NT or NF?
Building a life you love, full of masterpieces, starts with knowing how your inner design works. Along with this inner design, you can discover which inner strengths belong to you (by design). And while you are at it, be sure you know the Real Them. Your child has their own unique inner designs at work in their life, too. Understand yourself. Then understand your child. And understand your differences so you can use them to paint a masterpiece.
2. Discover your InnerKinetics and that of your child to create a masterpiece with your parenting.
The Real You is designed to turn mistakes into a fulfilling life, full of healthy relationships. Turn the relationship with your child into a safe place for understanding, bonding, and mistakes that teach.