Let’s face it. Each of us use control to navigate our daily lives. Some of us use it with a light touch, and some much heavier handed. Which way do you tend to lean? Have you ever been judged as “out of control” when you’re acting messy? Our use of control is actually an essential part of how we’re designed to function in a healthy, forward-focused way. And regardless of inner design, there are critical parts of our human system that must be under control if we want a fulfilling life full of purpose-driven accomplishments. So let’s discuss. What do you really need to stay in control of yourself?
You Need to Know Your Inner Design
Your God-given inner design reveals critical intel on how to stay in control of yourself, which is an essential skill in your human experience. But just because you’ve entered into the world of “adulting,” it doesn’t mean you know what to do. I assure you, it’s not some one-size-fits-all guidance. Rather, it’s a custom guide to this essential skill. There’s lots to know about self-control and plenty of people to show you their preferred path to it. But if what you’ve been taught doesn’t follow the right path to your own brand of self-control, you can easily experience it being just out of your reach. A wake of damage in your relationships is also a common outcome. No one wants that! If you’re curious, discover your inner design (or your InnerKinetics®) here:
And then read about one of the many connections between your inner design and your use of control here.
You Need to Know What’s In and What’s Out
Perhaps the most important step to staying in control of yourself is understanding what’s IN and what’s OUT of yours. That may seem like a basic step. But for many of us, it’s the hardest thing to discern. WHY? Because we’re all built to apply our use of control in significantly different ways. And if you’ve not had the advantage of understanding yourself and others from this vantage point, it’s an easy attribute of inner design to get wrong.
So, what’s IN your control? Your Thoughts, Your Feelings and Your Actions / Reactions.
We’re going to spend some time on this, so expect future articles to dive deeper into the details. But your thoughts, feelings and actions are the three spheres of control for which you can stay in the driver’s seat.
- Your thoughts matter. Without high-quality thoughts that are aligned with truth about yourself, about others and about the world around you, your thoughts will take you down a destructive and dead-end road.
- Your feelings matter. Emotions are powerful! And they act as fuel to your human system. They can either help you to function in a healthy, productive way – getting you to a meaningful destination. Or, they can be the reason you never arrive. Fortunately, emotions are chosen! Many of Dr. Lincoln’s recent articles unpack just how complex emotions can be. But know that it is within your ability to choose helpful, positive emotions. With practice, your emotional control keeps you in the driver’s seat. Read Intelligently Emotional for a deep dive. Or check out the many articles on this site.
- Your responses matter. No one gets it right all the time. Many of us get it wrong a lot! So what? We still get to choose our response in any circumstance. Many times, it comes down to a matter of the habits you’ve formed. Whether or not you stay in control of yourself is ultimately the result of the responses you’ve practiced. So, if you don’t like the outcomes of your actions, you can choose a better one next time.
What’s OUT of your control? The thoughts, feelings and choices of others.
I know, right?! It’s a simple answer. But a not-so-simple principle to really operate with. How often do we end up trying to take control away from someone else by jumping out in front of what we think they are going to think or feel or do? Although we often feel that we’re in control of others due to legitimate authority or position, the reality is, we’re not! Have you created a habit out of asking yourself, “What really is and is not within my control?”
Stay in Control
Clearly, we’re not in control of the world around us. Circumstances not in our control can develop at any time. But we can definitely be in control of ourselves. And although discerning the right use of control can be difficult at times, it’s an essential skill we can never practice too much. In fact, there’s always more to learn. As your life continues to bring you chances to master self-control, don’t miss the invaluable intel that your inner design reveals.
Our team at InnerKinetics is ready to provide you with personal coaching and a wonderful library of resources. If you’d like some assistance, you can request a consultation. Schedule an Initial Consultation. If you are more independent and want to cut to the chase, you need not wait for a call back because you can get answers to your questions and schedule your session HERE.