It seems fairy tales rarely have anything to do with real-life relationships. Even though these stories typically include tragic beginnings, major misfortune, and shady characters, our expectations of these tales are that everything comes right in the end. Just as long as the heroes (obviously built to overcome adversity) “show up,” the happy ending is automatic. Don’t we tend to dismiss these unrealistic stories as anything worth expecting or pursuing in our own marriage? But what’s wrong with wanting the fairy tale? Not one thing…as long as it’s not a “fake.” Upgrade your marriage from “fairy tale fake” to the REAL deal.
Isn’t the happy ending what you have in mind?
We talked previously about the value of a positive personal narrative and how essential that is to a healthy, growing relationship. Every marriage is a story unfolding in real time. We all have our own custom version of a happy ending in mind when we show up to make our promises and exchange those rings.
You say, “I want to be happy.”
So you choose to marry someone who makes you feel that way.
“I want to be treasured and appreciated.”
So you choose the person who convinces you they’ll do just that.
“I want to realize my dreams and live life to the fullest,” you pledge to yourself.
So you choose a partner that you think encourages you and wants those same dreams for themselves.
That sounds to me like a perfectly legit, realistic, and positive “fairy tale” worth pursuing.
100% of Fairies Agree: The Struggle Is Real!
So what’s the difference between “fairy tale fake” and the REAL deal?
Fake fairy tales leave out all the personal responsibility of choosing to love someone, even when you don’t feel like it. Falling in and out of a loving feeling towards your partner happens all the time in marriage. It’s your personal choices every day that pull you closer together or push you farther apart. I submit to you that marriage is way bigger than how we feel about each other on any given day.
If you take a closer look, the REAL deal fairy tale is much less about the ending and way more about what happens in the middle.
Even in fairy tales, the main characters are required to undergo a major transformation or a reconciling within themselves before the happy ending is realized. In the classic stories we all grew up with, the struggle actually does get a bit “real” and the upgrade from tragedy to triumph cannot be assumed. Consider these 3 stories:
Sure, Cinderella rises from the ashes, but only after she sucks it up, breaks away from her captors, and courageously shows up to try on that glass slipper.
Snow White loses everything, including her life. But the loving kindness and bravery of the REAL girl is what rubbed off on everyone and inspired them to attempt one last act of love that saves her.
What about Fiona and Shrek? Once her magic wore off, she looked like something only an ugly old ogre could love. And he did! In the end, the princess found her REAL self in a loving relationship based on what was really there between them.
The REAL You Can Upgrade Your Marriage
Don’t end up with a “fairy tale fake.” The best page-turners are all about the lives of real people, actual events, and hard decisions that lead to all sorts of real-life consequences and a mixed bag of beautiful and bittersweet. Your marriage needs the REAL you. That’s the person your partner chose and wants to know better.
So, make mistakes, learn your lessons, and find better ways to play out the next scene. Don’t waste time pretending you are someone you are not. BE the Real You who’s full of amazing inner strengths and wonderful surprises. It all starts with understanding and your InnerKinetics®.
Next week: How to avoid creating a “Nightmare on [your street name here] Street.”