Does Your Marriage Need a Wake-up Call?

Wake up your marriage

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What’s the story with your marriage? Even the most connected couples get stuck in unhealthy routines in relating to each other and have to reevaluate their daily choices. At what point can it begin to feel more like a bad dream from which you both want to wake? If you prefer a relationship story that reads more like a masterpiece classic than a dream headed in the wrong direction, wake up your marriage with this important daily habit. Get to know the Real You and understand the Real Them.

Wake up your marriage and live by design.

Most of us love the idea of helping our spouses become their very best. That seems noble and the right thing to do, doesn’t it?  Right up until the point where we realize that helping them become their very best usually means they’ll be thinking, feeling and acting in a manner VERY different from the ways we ourselves are compelled to think, feel and act. If you aren’t happily related to the significant differences between you and your partner, this can be quite a “scary” thought.

But if you get to know the inner designs that each of you are employing daily, it’s much easier to see the value in your differences. You may even come to appreciate your spouse in new ways.


  • Perhaps all the energy you spend trying to change your partner to align with what’s familiar to you is actually hurting your efforts at intimacy and fulfillment in this relationship.
  • It’s possible that misunderstanding design-driven preferences and motivations causes the fighting and relationship-killing miscommunication.
  • Maybe it’s true that your best life together requires you to KNOW the Real version of yourselves, and not just stop there, but BE the Real version of yourselves.

Are you still on the line?

I hope so.  Because the key to awakening your marriage starts here:


Old bad habits die hard. Make sure they stay dead.

So, what’s the best way to turn this marriage wake-up call into a new daily habit?



Most of us try to create a new habit based on willpower.  But what happens when you lose that willpower?  Will you slip right back into the old habit of trying to change your partner to be more like you? 

You can keep a bad habit from resurrecting itself. Studies show that the most success in forming new habits is accomplished when you design the habit in small steps, each of which leads to change.

So, do something new each day to discover and understand your spouse differently. That part is easy and there’s plenty to discover.



When you begin to understand the reasons behind your beliefs, your emotional triggers, and your motivations, you learn to live by design.  Each of us has design-driven core needs. When these are met, we stay healthy and functioning. Deny these core needs and we malfunction. Before you can be rightly related to your spouse, you must get rightly related to yourself!

Grab a copy of INNERKINETICS, by Dr. Ray W. Lincoln



Once you understand and appreciate the differences between yourself and your spouse, it’s possible to truly value the strengths you don’t possess yourself. Assign each of your spouse’s strengths real meaning. Identify their value to you personally, out loud and often.


Answer the call for a fulfilling marriage.

No one wants just a marriage.  We want a FULFILLING marriage.  Fulfillment comes from truly knowing each other and being known. When you wake up to the potential of being your best selves, fulfilling marriage becomes a true team effort.

Will you take the necessary steps to lasting change? 

There’s just no way around it.  Your marriage needs the Real You.

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