As a leader, what do I want to hear? What does the follower want to hear?
- When I listen, I want to hear you (the genuine you). Let me hear your thoughts and your feelings.
- When you talk, don’t try to hurt me. I won’t listen if you do. I’ll rise and protect myself.
- When you talk, show me the same respect you wish for yourself.
As a leader, what do I want to say? What does the follower want to say?
- When I speak, I want to speak simply, clearly, frankly, but lovingly.
- When I speak, I want to say what I think and feel.
- When I speak, I want resolution for both of us.
Are these questions fair expectations?
They raise the issues of emotions don’t they?
Emotions can ruin or enhance the best of intentions and the most skilled communications. Let’s learn some key facts about emotions.
- We have two brains: analytical and emotional. The emotional is the strongest.
- The seat of memory is in the emotional part of our brain. That’s tells us our memories are powerfully affected by our emotions.
- Most emotional outbursts are prompted by memories, which are stored in the amygdala where they are recalled with their accompanying emotions.
- The stronger the emotion stored in the memory, the more powerful and clear is the memory.
- Emotional memories are not necessarily accurate. They are interpretations of events: the way we saw them and the way they affected us.
- If it is a good memory, it will positively empower our experience. If it is a bad memory, it will ignite a surge to produce maximum alertness and the maximum powers of response.
- Emotional quotient (EQ) is more important and indicative of success in life than IQ.
- A lack of EQ (emotional control) is disruptive of good decision-making and self-discipline.
- Emotions are contagious. The other person will catch yours and you will catch theirs.
- Volume and emotion rise and fall together.
- Keep a low volume, particularly in the face of rising emotions on the part of your antagonist.
- There is a window of opportunity in which emotions can be controlled.
- Learn how to calm your emotions before you go to bed. (A most important skill to learn.)
Major lesson! Emotions are the greatest factor in the HOW of communications – not your intentions, skills, or goals. Some temperaments are highly emotional and some seem devoid of it. An understanding if InnerKinetics® will help you identify which temperament you are and which temperament you are attempting to communicate with so you can communicate in the best way. Understand, then craft your communication for success!