Healthy Relationships REQUIRE Emotional Intelligence

Emotions Require Emotional Intelligence

Think of the occupations that obviously need emotional intelligence: receptionists, salespeople, teachers, clergy, counseling, politicians, personal relations, coaching, and all leadership positions.  The list never seems to end. Most occupations require interaction with people. And with people, emotions are always in play.  For instance, imagine these:

  • Doctors with no bedside manner
  • Salespeople who cannot assess the emotions of their prospect
  • Clergy that is remote and distant
  • Counselors who have no feeling.    

Therefore, interpersonal intelligence demands emotional intelligence.

The Basics of Emotional Intelligence

We need to know what other people are feeling in order to be thoughtful, considerate, and successful in our behavior toward them.  This is basic emotional intelligence.  Emotions can tell — even to those with no intuition — most of what is going on inside of others.  Hence, our world — not just individuals — stumbles when we fail to heed the importance of all the emotional interactions that fill our personal encounters.  You often hear, “It’s surely a matter of just doing what is right.”  Additionally,  sometimes you’ll hear, “Why should we have to consider their emotions?”  Such emotional ignorance is the cause of many of our failures in life.  The wise consider the emotions of others; fools think only with their heads.  

The Next Step in Emotional Intelligence

Nor is it just the feelings of others that we must consider.  In addition to their feelings, we must consider their inner moods, their hidden desires, their motivations, and their all-important temperament.  Add to these the presence or absence of a host of emotional influences, like love, hate, dislike, distrust, reserve, withdrawal.   As you can see, the list that matters is endless.  Therefore, emotional intelligence is not a matter of a few limp rules of behavior.  Those limp rules are the teaching you receive in the kindergarten of emotional wisdom.  Consider this:

Intelligent emotions are ones that achieve the needed goals and hold everyone to responsible behavior while seeking to do so diplomatically.  

Understanding of the Emotional Makeup of Each Temperament Increases Emotional Intelligence

All purposeful communications are strongly affected when we can discern when others are turned on or off, whether they are interested, or when they are halfway around the world in their thoughts.  Without exception, the fabric of all relationships and human interactions have emotion woven into them.  Therefore, we cannot remove or disregard them without destroying the intricate patterns of human experience and the meaning of life itself.  Those who try to understand intelligence in the hard terms of reason and logic alone, repudiating the soft facts of emotion, become ignorant of life’s heartbeat.

Therefore, become aware of the characteristic emotional strengths of each temperament.  Here are just four examples, which are the primary emotional energies of each of the temperaments:

  • The SP’s prime emotion is optimism
  • SJs possess the prime emotion of caution
  • NTs are known for being calm (and yes, calm is an emotion)
  • The NF is known for passion

Disregard Emotion and You Destroy Relationships

When a characteristic emotion is factored into communication and interactions, the meaning of the transmission becomes more clear.  In so doing, we can avoid unintended communications.  However, realize that the characteristics of both parties are at play.  Communication involves two people: the sender and the receiver.

Admittedly, some relationships exist as platonic partnerships — near to emotionless.  Emotions of a protective sort guide even these.   Emotions penetrate all meaningful relationships.  Don’t try to get rid of your emotions or sideline them when interacting with others on any level.  If you choose to disregard the importance of emotions in human interchanges, concede to the destruction of your relationships. 

Have you been disregarding emotions in any of your relationships?

Whose emotions have you been disregarding?

Why are you disregarding those emotions?

What would change if you employed intelligent emotions in your relationships?


Intelligently Emotional Book CoverIntelligently Emotional was created to increase your awareness of your own emotions as well as those of others.  It presents the basics of emotional intelligence and provides an in-depth look at the primary emotions of each temperament and how best to use emotions for the positive development of the strengths of each temperament.

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